It’s all depressing news this week

Halloween Havoc PPV Fallout — WCW put on the worst Pay-Per-View this year on Sunday. It had a lot of similarities to the WWF PPV from the week before but demonstrated why the two companies differ so greatly. Both had ho-hum undercard matches with no real standout matches. However, The WWF put on three main-event matches that really saved the show and progressed storylines. WCW put on two main-event matches that were dull and went nowhere. The show ended with a three-minute squash match as Goldberg defeated Kronik in less than four minutes. I don’t like paying for Tyson fights that last two rounds, and I don’t like paying for Goldberg matches that last less than four minutes. Ted Turner after the show: “Help me, Vince McMahon, you’re my only hope.”

Scott Hall Arrested, Again — Recently fired Scott Hall is facing new charges in Florida after failing to complete community service that was required of him after a 1998 arrest for keying a limo outside an Orlando strip club. Not doing his public service results in a probation violation. Hall was arrested this past Thursday in Seminole County Court in Florida where, ironically, he was seeking sole custody of his two children. Hall filed for sole custody of children Cody, 9, and Cassidy, 5, on grounds that estranged wife Dana was “emotionally and mentally unstable and an unfit parent.” Isn’t it ironic? Don’t ya think? Scott was also arrested last year for allegedly groping a 56-year-old woman who had asked for an autograph outside a Baton Rouge hotel. Hall was then issued a misdemeanor summons for simple battery and disturbing the peace by public intoxication. Hell, he can date my sister any day.

Monday Ratings — The ratings are in for 10/30, and it was a night that was better for WCW and worse for the WWF. RAW dropped to a 5.0 rating from 5.5 last week. Nitro, coming off a PPV, scored a 2.5 rating, which stops its downward slide. Last week it scored a 2.2. Ok, Russo, you can come out of your hole now.

Owen Hart Lawsuit Settled — The lawsuit filed by the family of Owen Hart against the WWF has been settled out of court. Owen fell to his death in May 1999 during a WWF Pay-Per-View. The WWF and the family issued a joint statement saying they “have come to an amicable agreement satisfactory to the parties, and the WWF will now continue the case against the entities which manufactured and sold the stunt equipment involved. We are awaiting the court’s approval of the settlement, which is expected next week. The terms and conditions of the settlement otherwise speak for themselves.” While no official settlement has been announced, it is rumored that the WWF agreed to pay $18 million to the Hart family. Of the $18 million, $15 million will go to Owen’s direct family, with the other $3 million going to Stu and Helen Hart (Owen’s parents). Martha Hart (Owen’s widow) tells the Calgary Sun she is satisfied with the settlement that was reached. “It’s been the biggest nightmare you could ever imagine,” Martha has said of the emotional trauma, further complicated by endless legal red tape. “I can’t say much right now… I’m satisfied and just hope it all ends Tuesday.” Martha Hart, her two children and her parents are scheduled to fly to Kansas City MO for a court hearing on Nov. 7, hoping a judge approves the secret settlement.

Bret Hart Retires For Good — Bret Hart’s most recent update to his web page makes it quite clear that his retirement is a permanent thing. Bret was fired by WCW last week and, after a few days of deliberation, made the announcement. While I have been critical of Hart in the past, I respect his decision to stick to his beliefs and retire. The temptation to go back to the WWF must have been strong, but rather than be a hypocrite, he’s retired. Now that his wrestling career is over, look for Hart to start appearing as the third McKenzie brother.

WWF Battles PTC — Vince McMahon and the WWF blasted the Parents Television Council for not playing fair. PTC has been contacting large corporations and trying to get them to boycott advertising during Smackdown! As part of its presentation, it lists 37 other companies that will not advertise on Smackdown! The WWF cried foul when 25 of those corporations had never advertised with the WWF to begin with. I encourage all wrestling fans to write to advertisers and tell them how you feel. Keep it clean.

From J.R. — Tidbits from Jim Ross’s WWF.com column this week:

– Big Bossman is in the clear and able to return to action anytime. Oh Joy!

– The WWF is very happy with Mark Henry’s weight loss and development in OVW, while The Big Show remains about 60 pounds over his ideal weight. Rikishi might be dropping a couple of pounds too, in preparation for a main-event run.

– Tiger Ali Singh and Lo Down may be paired together.

– Triple H broke his nose at least week’s PPV but missed no action. My hero!

– The Rock is off the house show circuit for the next month but will be at all TV tapings. Rumors of penis enlargement surgery are false.

Thing Of The Week – Going along with the Direct Hit theme this week, here are the Top 10 wrestling action figures that Hasbro (or Jakks) should make.

#10 -Stone Cold Steve Austin with Beer Can Grip and adjustable bone spurs.

#9 – That Slut Chyna! Includes Chyna, HHH, Eddie Guerrero, Mr. Ass, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho figures.

#8 – Retired Bret Hart. Includes lawn chair, cane and Commtech Whining Chip.

#7 – Play-Doh Ass Rikishi. Squeeze his head and Play-Doh comes out his… Includes drivable Lincoln!

#6 – Bath Time Buddy Sting. Get him wet and his face paint changes color.

#5 – Chris Benoit with removable tooth.

#4 – Time-Traveling Ric Flair. Modern day Ric Flair travels back in time to help golden age Ric Flair and the JSA fight Psycho Pirate.

#3 – World Dominating Vince McMahon doll. Includes flamboyant cape and giant globe.

#2 – Crazy Stunt Mick Foley with exploding arm and removable ear action!

#1 – Aqua Rock. Rock discovers that the ability to talk to fish is a powerful weapon for fighting HHH.

Until next week…